The #1 Deadly Mistake In Communication- And How To Resolve It will be presented at a special workshop free to the public on Friday, July 13 from12:30 until 3:30pm.
The Need: We all long to feel love for others, and feel their love for us. In fact, our brains are hardwired for feeling connected to each other. Feeling disconnected emotionally from others actually registers emotional pain in the same part of our brain that registers physical pain.
Yet, sadly, our lack of understanding about how to keep that connection flow going- or get it started again- may leave us feeling isolated, deprived, resentful, lonely, overburdened - or worse.
The Problem: Say it’s the middle of the night, and you are sound asleep when you are awakened by someone repeatedly banging on your front door. Your frightened and sleepy toddler, runs into your bedroom holding his “blankey”. What goes through your mind? What are you feeling? How do you respond to your child? Maybe you are stern, ordering him back to bed. Maybe in a panic you pick him up and put him back in bed. Maybe. . .
Or your partner comes home from work, and gives you a cursory kiss with no eye contact, seemingly preoccupied internally. Sighing heavily they go to the bedroom to change clothes. What are you thinking? What are you feeling inside? What do you say and do?
Or you had your annual checkup and blood drawn three days ago. Your doctor was to call you with the results the next day. He still has not called. So on the third day, you call him and his nurse says with stress in her voice, ”He needs to check something before talking with you.” What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What do you say and do?
The answer to all the questions about how you think, feel and behave, depends. Depends on what? Depends upon the meaning you are making about what is happening. It depends, therefore upon what you construct, imagine, or believe is happening. In other words, it depends upon “the story” you are telling yourself. In still other words, it depends upon what judgments you make up about why things are happening.
The Resolution: In the past two decades an enormous amount of research has been done about what habits, skills and attitudes make for success in relationships- and even success in general. And it pretty much boils down to the ability to assign advantageous meanings to life’s events.
I think it’s no accident that the popular Course in Miracles devotes the first 34 of 365 lessons- almost 10% of the lessons – to training our minds to realize that perceptions and judgments are not real, but made up, invented.
To find out more about how to resolve the #1 Deadly Mistake in Communication, come to the Free Culver City Library Workshop, Friday, July 13, 12:30 -3:30. To contact Dr. Jane Bolton Call 310.838.6363 or click on http://www.DrJaneBolton.com
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